Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
John Lennon

Karen has asked me to share my perspective on our experience because she believes, as I do, that PPD is not something that affects the mother solely.

I've never experienced depression myself or ever known anyone suffering from it. I feel pretty well versed in it now, at least from the perspective of living with someone who is going through it. Without a doubt, this was the most difficult and trying time in my life.

What got me through it all? First and foremost, it was my love for my wife. I knew this wouldn't last forever. It was only temporary. I kept telling myself that this was going to make us both stronger. "This too shall pass" became my mantra. Love and support of family and friends was helpful. Although they offered countless times to help, there wasn't really much that they could do. Knowing that they were there was comforting. Prayer and faith kept me going. Karen was getting good care, we just hadn't found the right combination of medications and a therapist who connected with Karen. One who could gain her trust and break through.

I can't stress enough how important it was for me to do the things I needed to do to keep my mind strong. As I was taking care of Karen full time and then Lola when she was born, it was difficult not to lose control. I really couldn't escape from it. Karen was afraid to be alone and was not comfortable with the company of other family members (even close, caring, loving family members). I could steal minutes or when I was lucky an hour or two to gather myself and re-energize. Some people golf, some build things, some read, I escaped by listening to music. The sounds and words of my favorite records helped me get through each day. Oh, how I love my iPod. This was a really stressful time for me as well, so I didn't eat healthy and exercise was something I didn't even think about. The extra weight and stress really affected how I felt every day. Looking back, I should have made more of a point of trying to keep physically healthy too.

I was so thankful that Karen found someone who understood what she was going through. As hard as I tried and being as supportive as I could, it was no match for shared experience. Karen was able to find solace in a stranger through that shared experience. I believe it was a crucial part of her recovery.

I now know how powerful the human mind can be, both positive and negative. I believe it is of the upmost importance to keep a positive outlook on things even when they look bleak.

My advice for anyone that has a wife, sister, friend going through this would be to just be there for her in whatever capacity she needs and you can provide. Keep encouraging words at the ready. Keep trying things to get better, don't wait for things to work themselves out. Whether it's exercising, yoga, walking, etc. Eventually things will get better if you keep pursuing help. Watch out for your own health and well being. You may need everything within you to be there for her when she feels like there is nothing left inside her. Don't be afraid to talk about it. You may be amazed where you'll find help and compassion. Be prepared as well, because you will find people who don't understand and it's easy to criticize when you don't understand what someone is going through. Now that we are a couple of years removed from this difficult experience, it's hard for me to remember all of the really bad times. Our focus is on the wonderful and joyous little girl who came from all of this. I truly hope these stories by these courageous women are able to help other mothers get through their difficult time, as well as help raise awareness for friends and families so that they may be better equipped to help their loved ones.

Jamie
May 2011

Read Karen's Story