My wife's pregnancy had been normal for the first eight months. We went to all the classes, bought baby clothes and prepared our home like any other expecting couple. Then at the beginning of the eighth month, everything changed. Suddenly my wife was full of doubts and had irrational fears. She went into a deep depression and questioned whether we were fit to be parents. I made myself believe that as soon as the baby was born she would return to normal.

Our baby was born but Shelley's condition did not improve. After a week I knew we were in for a long recovery. I had heard all the horror stories about mothers suffering from PPD - harming themselves and their children. I never felt Shelley would harm our child but she was in such misery I did worry that she might harm herself.

I was able to get through the ordeal by just taking it one day at a time. I made sure our daughter was well cared for and tried to give Shelley as much support as possible. I got through the days by taking 15 minute breaks to gain peace of mind. Most of the time I spent these 15 minutes building trails around our back yard with patio stones. It was like putting a puzzle together and completely took my mind off what we were going through.

One of the most frightening things about PPD is what little knowledge people have about the condition. When Shelley's mental condition suddenly turned drastically different overnight, no one could provide us any insight. The same was true while we were at the hospital. The doctors and nurses seemed as baffled as I was about why Shelley had such flat affect. I recall one nurse asking me, "What is wrong with your wife?" I wanted to say, "I thought it was your job to tell me."

PPD is one of those conditions that no one wants to talk about. The condition wasn't mentioned at any of the classes we attended during the pregnancy. Friends and family who have experienced PPD had never mentioned their experience until after they found out about what we were going through. The doctors and nurses at the hospital didn't seem to have any real knowledge of the condition and didn't offer much guidance as to where we could go to find answers. This is why Wings for Wellness is such a valuable organization. It is a great way to get the word out.

When dealing with a loved one who is going through PPD, lots and lots of patience will be needed to get them through this terrible time. While you know that they will get better, the woman going though PPD can't imagine ever getting better. She needs your positive reassurance every day, all day long. I found myself repeating the same things to my wife over and over again. It would get very frustrating, but it seemed to give her something to hold on to until her condition improved.

You also want to prepare yourself for setbacks. As time went on, Shelley would suddenly feel normal again. Unfortunately, this would only last for a couple of hours and then she would revert back to a deep depression. It was devastating for her, and I found I had to double my efforts to try and keep her spirits up. Little by little, the normal periods grew longer and I could see Shelley's true personality come out.

Luckily I had help or I wouldn't have made it through this terrible condition. Shelley's friend Malanka came and stayed with us 5 days a week. During the day she was a drill sergeant and got Shelley out of the house and into a routine. At 11:00 pm every night I would hand our baby, Shelby, off to her and she did the night feedings. Since she had been through PPD herself, she knew exactly what we were going through. I will always remember what she did for our family.

Finally, I think it is important for anyone who has gone through PPD to share their story with anyone who will listen. Don't feel ashamed for what you went through. The more people who know about PPD, the better able they will be able to help a loved one who is going through it.

Toby Shook

Read Shelley's Story